I Hate Cell Phones :: Personal Narrative Writing

I Hate Cell Phones Let me come right out and say it: You chronic cell phone users, I’m thoroughly sick of you. I’m sick of having to listen to your dumb conversations as I walk down the street or sit in the park or anywhere people used sit in peace. I’m sick of having to be wary of you while you chat away in a car too close to me, especially you vapid girls and young women with your attention far away from moving several tons of metal along a road. I’m sick of having to maneuver my shopping cart around you while you talk to someone at the other end about the goddamn freshness of the cantaloupe or whether to buy Cheerios or Wheaties. I’m sick of hearing your one-sided chit chat while I’m trying to enjoy a meal in a restaurant. Hey, I don’t want to hear about your romantic problems, your job woes, your vasectomies or your yeast infections. I’m sick of the various sounds of your phones’ â€Å"ringing,† all those sounds engineered just for you. I’ve lately preferred the whine of the dentist drill as I wait for my name to be called. Those of you who don’t turn off your cell phones while in a movie and then actually take the call—if you’re not a surgeon waiting to do a kidney transplant, I think you should be taken out into the street and beaten up by six bikers juiced on amphetamines. Those of you taking classes, try very hard to remember to turn off your cell phones because someday your professor is not going to be able to control himself and is going to take your chirping little device and is going to stomp it into little pieces, then throw sixty dollars at you in three 20s. Those of you who call me on cell phones, let me be frank and say I don’t like it. Unless it’s an extreme emergency or you’re in some quiet place where other people can’t hear you—because it bugs me that those people might be like me and not appreciate having to become privy to a conversation that has nothing to do with them—please wait until you get to a â€Å"land line† to call me. And those of you who call me on your cell phone, if at all possible, make sure your batteries are new or your reception is perfect or, if not, that you only call to tell me some simple, brief thing, because trying to hold a normal conversation while your voice comes and goes is pretty irritating to me.